When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
so let's talk penis.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
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You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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