I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm gonna have a badass scar
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
