if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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