Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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