I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
