you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
