is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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