Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
