Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
