She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
