: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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