We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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