I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
