i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
