they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's shark week go big or go home
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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