I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
