Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
