I am puke
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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