I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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