he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
