yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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