also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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