I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize