his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
