I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
