at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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