Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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