he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I faked an abortion last night.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
