I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
PANTIES FOUND
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
