the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
