you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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