If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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