i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm always down for nudity.
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