Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
