Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
