Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
only if we run a train.
done.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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