everyone is single if you try hard enough
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
