No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
porn star boner night. come get it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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