her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
