If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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