life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
