Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Success! We fucked roommates!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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