Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
