I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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