Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
