Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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