The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
