just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
