he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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