Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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