I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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