Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Randomize
