i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
