I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
