my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
