Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
