somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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