I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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