I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Randomize
