Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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