So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
