I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
A+ Viking dick
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
