maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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