Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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