I cut my penus on the lid.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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