I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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