then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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