I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
