Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
