Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
