Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
