Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Your penis caused this!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
