So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
